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Without scrolling further down to check the answer, I want you to think about something. What could be my number one point be in the answer to “how do I become more likeable?” What do you think is the most important factor to becoming likeable online?
Before I get into that, you might be wondering whether being likeable really matters. After all, you could be anyone behind a computer screen. Let’s put it this way: I’m far more likely to link to my best friend in a blog post than a random blogger and I’m far more likely to send my favourite cousin a copy of my new product for free than someone I don’t know.
Of course, those are offline relationship examples, but online isn’t really any different. You don’t talk to people you don’t like. Unless, of course, you love drama.
Becoming likeable has many benefits:
- People link to you on their blogs
- People buy your products
- People help to share your content
- People stick around even when you do / say things that they disagree with
A good example of that last point is my friend Martin. Martin was very active in the internet marketing industry (I’m sure he won’t mind me using him as an example) until he was arrested for activities that both shocked and disappointed me. After 3 months in jail he was released and came back onto my social media radar.
Despite what he did, I still really like the guy. I like talking to him, I’m happy to help him, and I don’t think any worse of him than I had previously. You might think you would not do the same, but then you probably don’t have a Martin in your network right now.
Now if you remember I asked you to think about the most important factor to becoming likeable online — did you guess this would be it?
Don’t Care About Whether People Like You
I know it’s quite the paradox to suggest that if you want something, don’t care if you get it. But, in terms of becoming likeable online, it certainly matters here. There are two main reasons why this is the case:
- You allow your real self to shine through
- You stop coming from a scarcity mindset
Have you ever spoke to someone who seems like they’re trying really hard to impress you? They feel it is necessary to let you know how much money they make, what qualifications they have or what car they drive…even after two minutes of meeting them.
If you haven’t, then I have. And let me tell you, it’s uncomfortable. It just feels…difficult. Maybe it’s because I’m very self aware, but I simply can’t have flowing conversations with people who feel it is necessary to put me or them on a pedestal. If you stop caring whether people like you, you naturally won’t put them on a pedestal (think too highly of them) and make communication awkward.
A good example of this is Baker (who, like my father, doesn’t call himself by his first name). Baker came onto my radar via Twitter and I’m pretty sure the first thing he messaged me was a sarcastic insult regarding something I had written. His response was very funny and the type of thing one of my friends would say offline.
It didn’t matter that his blog was brand new and he was talking to someone in the niche with thousands of subscribers (not that it ever does) but he was just being himself and probably couldn’t care less about what I thought of him. Now, he gets links from me in blog posts.
Genuinely Care About What Other People Are Working On
It’s human nature for us to want to talk about our own achievements in life. Because of this, we also like it when others care about those successes and what we’re up to these days. It’s important to note that I put genuinely in this sub-heading. Being liked is totally pointless if you have to talk about things which don’t interest you.
This guide is about helping you become more natural online, rather than telling you to suck up to the A-listers in order to get their approval. If you don’t care about something, don’t pretend you do. If, on the other hand, a project that someone is working on interests you, let them know.
Dave Navarro (not the musician) is a great example of someone who knows a lot about what is going on in his niche without doing it for your approval or your friendship. He comes across like he genuinely gives a crap about what people are working on and I have spoke to him numerous times in the last few weeks about my own projects. Because of this, I was more than happy to help him promote his.
Don’t View People as a Statistic
Whether you’re successful online or just starting out, this advice applies to you in equal portions. I’ve been at both ends of the scale for about the same amount of time so know what they’re like.
If You’re Looking to Rise the Ranks – If you’re just starting out in blogging or getting your name out in a niche, it can be easy to just focus on the top guys. For example, if you want to excel in the internet marketing niche it would be a good idea to get on the radar of people like Darren Rowse, Brian Clark and Jeremy Schoemaker.
What you shouldn’t forget is that there are thousands of other people in your niche who:
- Could be one of these “A-listers” one day
- Can help you get to where you want to be
Don’t limit your focus to a select group of people. Sure a blog post from one of these guys might help your business more than 10 little guys, but how long does that last? If you’re in the mentality of focusing on the guys at the top of the food chain, you’ll probably forget your own growing audience in the process.
If You’re Already Well Known – For god’s sake, don’t forget the people that helped you on your way. As with starting out, you never know who could become one of these A-listers one day. You also never know when someone you help could increase your business or their golf buddy could be your next major client.
This is between us, but I still offer free support to people who have never bought anything from me. I sell a product on how to make money through blogging and affiliate marketing which comes with free support. However, I’ll often find myself spending hours helping people who have never sent me any cash. Luckily, I love what I do.
A few years ago I was very active in the internet marketing industry (specifically SEO) and the big blog to follow was SEOmoz. They had a team of rockstars which included Jane Copland. It feels really sad thinking about this now, but I remember getting in touch with Jane via Facebook and she spoke to me like I was a real person. At 16 / 17 this was someone who I really looked up to and just having her treat me like everyone else was amazing.
If Jane ever asked anything of me, I would more than happily help her out. Of course you may spend time helping people who will never return the favour, but if that bothers you so much, maybe you’re spending time on the wrong platform (the internet).
Put Your Full Self Out There At All Times
This links very closely to not caring whether people like you, but I still believe it deserves its own section. On the internet, there are many areas where people hold back. For example:
- They might not want their full name online
- They don’t want to show a picture
- They would never even consider doing a video
I know, because I’ve been there. In fact, I was mentioned on an official Google blog at 17 and referred to as Dave Chambers. This makes me laugh out loud when I write it but it’s true. Dave Chambers was my pen name at the time because I was too scared of my school friends “Googling” my name and finding out what I was working on.
If you are someone who is afraid of putting those things online, a good question to ask yourself is: “When does it matter?” When does it matter if someone finds out your blog that you know in person? Really think about that.
When does it matter if someone leaves a nasty comment on your Youtube video? When they write it? When you read it? Are you really that bothered about what some troll on Youtube thinks of your accent or haircut?
The people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind don’t matter
A good lesson in putting yourself out there was my first Skype call with Jonathan Mead. My blog was just starting to get onto the radar with quite a few people and Jonathan was one of the people that I respected in the industry. I remember feeling quite “professional” and tried not to say any stupid shit. It wasn’t until Jonathan said some things that could not write down here that I realised there is a human being behind every successful person online.
Being yourself is far easier than putting on a front, and, as Oscar Wilde said, everybody else is taken anyway.
Work on Great Projects
It is research proven that if we can get someone to do something small, they’re more likely to do something that takes up more time. When you’re getting yourself out there online, it’s important to keep in touch with people, rather than get in touch and disappear off their radar for a while.
Whenever someone reaches out to me that seems like a genuine person, I will look to help them out where I can. However, if they’re not working on anything unique or just coming from a different angle, I don’t want to promote that to my audience. I’m happy to promote people who are doing different things.
This may seem a little cold, but being liked by anyone online is pointless if it isn’t going to go anywhere. If they can’t help you get clients, more blog readers, more links of anything of that sort, you’re just making friends. Friends are great, but you’re trying to build a business as well, right?
The best way to keep the communication going between you and anyone online is to be working on something excellent. Something that they can naturally follow. A few people who I’m happy to share their content and are really nice people include Jay, Chris and Karen. It would be hard for me to help them if they just wrote generic blogs or didn’t do anything at all. Instead, they’re all working on their own unique projects with their own style so I’m happy to do what I can.
Realise You’re Part of the Whole
Finally, and perhaps one of the most important points here, is to realise you are not alone. You’re not the only one looking for more traffic, more blog subscribers, or just more eyeballs on whatever it is you are doing. I am far more likely to help people who have helped me because it shows they’re interested in what I do and they aren’t too egotistical to think there is nobody else operating in their niche.
Some good tips for spreading your value include:
- Leaving comments on other blogs
- Retweeting blog posts that you like
- Stumbling the content
- Linking out to other people
- Respond to all of your emails. Even if you can’t help someone, send them to someone who can
The last one is very powerful these days because it is happening less and less. With the rise of Twitter, people are moving over to tweeting about articles rather than writing about them on their blog. This, in my opinion, is a real shame. Even when you’re writing excellent content, it can be harder to get it out there and get the links necessary for good search engine rankings.
If you operate like you’re the only person in your niche, you’ll find yourself as a lone person in your niche.
And remember: people don’t like me; I’m just taking my advice (being genuinely interested) from all of the awesome people (not viewing people as a statistic) I have linked to (realising I’m part of the whole) in this post.
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Hey Glen, great post, I’m looking forward for more articles and I’ve also subscribed to this blog.
Cheers Oscar!
Good guide Glen and this is probably one of the factors that have helped me establish myself as the Realmadrid blogger in the soccer industry. If people like you, you will have everything but as you said, you just cant fake it. If you will, they will know. Be natural.
P.S: Good to see ViperChill back, I wish you the best of luck!
Thanks Adam, great to be back!
Appreciate your comment
I love it Glen! I totally agree with the idea of not caring what other people think. I’m still working on stepping into that, but definitely the witchy thing was an experiment in not caring. But of still caring about the people themselves.
So funny that you used a pen name. Though at 17 I totally understand the fears.
Haha yeah, that name still makes me laugh.
Nice to see you over here. That’s a great point: not caring what people think of you but still caring about the people.
Hmm, some good thoughts have came from that sentence!
Thanks for the comment
Great post, Glen. Think there are a lot of valuable lessons on here that can be considered in ‘real’ life as well as on-line.
Rob
Cheers Rob, nice to see you over here!
Hope to see you back soon
Most of my twitter follows are architecture related, for good reason, however I do have some other connections, of which yours is no doubt the most refreshing.
In relation to your article above, and indeed all the others I have viewed, you certainly do as you preach by writing clearly and concisely; you say it how it is!
Being relatively new to twitter, I have been observing tweets and posts and formulating some blog ideas with a mind to provide an interesting architectural blog [soon].
Your articles are easy to read and, because of the simplistic yet factual nature they take, offer great guidance and inspiration!
Your a natural, keep ‘em comin’!
Thanks Matt (awesome name, by the way)
I really appreciate your comments and hope to see you around soon!
Hey Glen
had replied to me (who didn’t know anything about this field). I realise now, we’ve all got something to offer and like you said it’s not about putting anyone on pedastals, it’s not a comfortable place to be! Tying in with that, I really like the tip about not caring if people like you or not – it gives you a lot more freedom.
Great post. It’s taken me a while to get used to communicating via the internet, but finding my way and there are some really good tips here. Thanks for sharing about your call with Jonathan – if I’m honest I did something similar with you when I first emailed you! I felt a bit nervous that this internet guru
Cheers Glen
Jen
Haha, thanks Jen. It’s always good to include examples so people can relate to them
You’re welcome Jen, thanks for coming over to the site!
Hi Glen, cool post. Gives a guy a lot to think about! I know from PluginID that you definitely practice what you preach in this article. New subscriber to ViperChill here…thanks man!
Awesome Ross, thank you!
Hey Glen!
Really cool article, and you linked to a bunch of cool people, most of who I follow already!
Good luck with Viperchill, I’m sure it will become awesome!
Cheers
Diggy
Cheers man.
Let’s see where hard work will take me with this site
Really great article! I learned a lot from it and think you shared some great insights. Thanks for writing this!
Thanks Dani!
Glen, such a great post and information. I’m also loving your new blog here. Always a treat to read what you write for sure. Take care and keep on moving forward!
Cheers
Dayne
Thanks Dayne, I hope you’ll enjoy the future content just as much.
No pressure on me, eh?
- Glen
Excellent post! Definitely made me pause and think.
Rezaul
Thank you Rezaul, that’s always the aim.
Glen,
I can see now where you DJ nickname came from, I am feeling you on not putting myself out there fully online. I have been afraid to use my real name online. I guess I should stop doing that now.
Vince
I think Vince is enough if you have reasons not to put your name out there
As for DJ, that is not a cover up, it is just what my friends IRL call me
Your recent quality comments on my site are another way of getting yourself liked.
Q: Are the 5 figures monthly mentioned on your about page from rebills?
Rebills? If you’re talking about free shipping products that then take away money from people then no. Most of my affliate income is through hosting commissions
Glen,
How profound? I guess I will just have to start behaving like the ornery old coot that I am!
You definately have a knack for hitting me over the head with things. Keep it up, I like it.
Thanks Michelle, I appreciate your comment.
Just don’t sue me for any damage
Oh man Glen,
I’m still too shy – I use a pen name. But if you’re working in an office, you may not want to put your real identity out there…Adam
Great guide, Glen. Wish you luck with Viperchill (and with great content like this, I can’t doubt that you’ll have success)!
Hey glen, this is a great and useful post.
And I GENUINELY like it and only comment here because I feel that you deserve the attention (and a little bit of mine xD)
I agree with a lot of the things you have said, such as just being yourself and putting your full self out there. Because when you connect with a certain person, that “mask” you put on isn’t going to last long unless you put intentional effort, and that intentional effort is just a waste of a communicative energy.
Being yourself attract similar types of people and repel people who are dissimilar, so it works in a beneficial way. The reason people conserve who they are because they have a vulnerable self concept that is easily damaged, which generates fear.
Anyways, be yourself and have REAL connection with people is very good advice.
So thank for the reminder and confirmation.
Steven
Thanx Glen for putting up this Post, a timely one for me, as I’m piecing together the last bits prior to publishing my 1st ever video podcast. A meaningful, thought provoking article reminds me that the level at which I function is always my choice.
Hey didn’t someone great say, “what you think of me is none of my business” (W. Dyer) …thanks for all the helpful tips for a newbie (me) in this blogging/social media world. Your voice is absolutely real in this piece. Will look forward to reading more of your posts.
Definitely a definitive guide because I am starting to like you after reading your article.
Haha, well played!
Hey Glen,
Become likable online in the same way you would offline. Online relationships are just like their real-life counterparts – act accordingly.
You like genuine, honest people, don’t you? Ones that respect you and don’t put you on a pedestal, or themselves. Ones that don’t try to sell you anything, but instead recommend just like to a friend – why it’s awesome, why it worked for them, why it might not work for you, and what they don’t like about it.
You are interested in confident, unique people, right? Ones who believe in what they do, and let happiness guide them rather than what they “should” do. Remarkable ones who do or make great stuff. You love to help out generous ones, who give 10x as much as they ask.
Become likable by being an amplified version of yourself. Analyze your unique traits and take them to an extreme. You’ll be unique for your traits that no one else has the combination of, and you’ll be remarkable for being on the edge. Assuming you’re a good person who is genuine and unpretentious, all of these combine for a killer combination of being likable online. Just like you would be in real life.
Great article, and congrats on the ViperChill relaunch. It’s going to rock, I’m sure,
Oleg
Excellent and well-written article. I am quickly discovering just how true every aspect of this topic really is. In order to come across as likable online, you first have to understand on your side of the screen what it is about you and what you do, that people might find likable. you need to give people things to relate to.
Love the observation: “…difficult. Maybe it’s because I’m very self aware, but I simply can’t have flowing conversations with people who feel it is necessary to put me or them on a pedestal.” Trying too hard to impress or be impressive sucks, and eventually just wastes time for both ends. Great article, definitely tweeted!
Hi Glen,
This is a great article, very inspiring. What stuck with me is the point “Don’t view people as a statistic”. Coming from a corporate environment where stats are everything, its so easy to fall into the “numbers trap” of focusing on followers, subscriber count etc. Something that I didn’t even notice I was doing! Thats one valuable realization…
Also, love your book, got started on the blogging “skymap”, thanks again, you do follow your own advice :-).
Cheers,
Krishna
My reply to the 1st question asked, before scrolling down, is, Useful. And it’s not about being liked or anything else, It’s about a duty. Nobody likes to be dragged out of denial, and sometimes it’s best to remain anonymous when doing so. I.. don’t know what else to say.?
That’s interesting. Although thank you for being the first person to answer that
I guess useful could link to being genuinely interested in what people working on. From there you could offer suggestions for improvement or ways that you can help them out.
Thank you Lisa!
Thank you for this article, a few lightbulbs definitely went off for me. I think I am still working on the “putting your whole self out there” thing. As well as not trying too hard to impress the big wigs/A-listers in my niche when I am lucky enough to meet them in person. Not that I am desperate to impress, but rather afraid of NOT impressing, does that make sense? I am definitely guilty of being a little bit fangirly and letting that get in the way of sharing my latest project or idea with someone who deeply impresses me. Thanks!
Hey Glen,
I totally digging the new ViperChill articles. Awesome content. And I would say that even if I wasn’t mentioned
I find this topic so fascinating… it’s something that comes so naturally to some, and such a mystery to others. I’m really honored to have you mention my site as something original, and unique. Especially with how far I’ve come this year… and since you are the one that got me started.
Looking forward to more to come from ViperChill!
Karen
Quite an enjoyable article. What strikes me is not the “online” part of it, but the “likeability” part of it. It’s not how to be a precious asset and a good partner online, but mostly offline. Take out the online blanket and this article becomes a solid, sustainable self-improvement manual. Be authentic, serve, take responsibility. I can really see this outside the online, blogging area.
Of course Dragos, but not everyone knows what works offline either. I guess this article just proves that you should put as much of your offline self online as possible if you want to succeed.
Points well established Sir. To be likeable, we need to appreciate the human aspects of every people we connect to in the internet. Kindness, sincerity, helpfullness and openness are all important.
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I totally agree, we have to be ourselves and not care about what others think in order to remain calm and confident which will make others like us.
That’s funny.
I was thinking you might go with something along the lines of: “Focus on helping others,” which I don’t entirely believe in, and didn’t think sounded a lot like you.
Your point is very Glen-like, and that reinforces your message!
I can’t possibly agree with you more (I mean, it’s physically impossible to!)
You can never live life in another person’s shoes or see the world through another person’s eyes. You can only see the world with your own eyes. Constantly thinking about what others think about you doesn’t help move your life forward. It stops you on your tracks, while you try to get permission for every step you take, then take a step back out of fear you may have stepped in the wrong direction.
By being yourself (and not judging yourself according to other people’s criteria) you can act on your own judgments and learn as you go along. That, in itself, is very admirable and likable.
I want to add some evidence for the fact that ‘the internet’ is composed of real people, who, if treated as such, will help your presence immensely.
About four years ago I started our commercial web site and somehow I had the idea that I had to follow all the SEO advise I found around the internet and for which I partially paid quite a bit of money. I did all this ‘link-building’ stuff, even tried some of the automated ways to do so but I did not see all the promised results.
At that time I was sure that all the customer comments I saw on many of the web sites were written by the internet marketers themselves. I just could not imagine where all these real people would come from to take the time and make these comments.
When the first customers started to come in I quickly had to revise that opinion – delivered products often were followed up by nice comments and I could actually put real testimonials on our web site.
But where running this business really started to make fun was when I managed to see each and every visitor as an individual and not as a contributing factor to my traffic statistic. With many I had friendly and interesting exchanges way beyond what a sales transaction would require. I took the time – and enjoyed it immensely – when we got the first customer from Australia, to look up her address on the satellite image of Google maps. Seeing their street and neighborhood really drove it home that this is a real person over there on the other side of the planet.
So, yes, I can totally confirm that one should put of of ones mind the idea of mechanistic traffic building and visitor handling – that just does not work.
I’m just starting out in the world of blogging really and have found your blog amongst others really helpful and interesting.
Thanks
Scott Dylan
This article created a lot of insight. I use to be one of those guys looking for approval, I changed it to where I don’t care.
It works wonders, people definitely react differently. Thanks for the great content!
I really like the suggestion of putting yourself out there all the time. Be open and honest. We need more honest, real, truthful people in todays society where there is so much fakeness. Feel free to check out my site. It’s real just like me. I too aspire to be more likeable and memorable to mankind.
Imagine my surprise when I find another blog I like and I find that it’s Glen’s site (I’m already a fan of PluginID).
Great post.
Great article Glen. I’m reading through Plugin-ID a few articles a day, and I am enjoying this blog as well!
[...] lot of ground about the online world, I’m focusing mostly in real life. Check out the article here.Glen says the following as the most important factor to becoming likeable online.You don’t talk [...]
Glen, you are awesome. I really liked your quote here:
Of course you may spend time helping people who will never return the favour, but if that bothers you so much, maybe you’re spending time on the wrong platform (the internet).
Besides the obvious notion that the internet is a collection of free ideas and a social web among other things, I also think that what goes around comes around. So I also help people for the sake of helping them; I don’t help them so that they can become a customer or a subscriber or a “sneezer” of my product, etc…
There is visibly a lot to realize about this. I suppose you made certain good points in features also.
Glen, great post! Thanks for the great content!
Good job on the article.
Best quote was “Don’t view people as a statistic”…and you’re right!
We have to continue doing what we do best and be ourselves. 1,000 people may like you and only 1 doesn’t…..so at the end of the day…it’s only an opinion.
Being confident will build trust and knowledge!
Hey Glen! I’ve been reading your blog quite often since the last week, and I must say that not only your posts are full of great advices but your writing style makes me comes back all the time. A lot of things I learnt through ViperChill are an eye opener, and I am already under way towards implementing a lot of them on my new blog.